The Importance of Eldering

By Louise Franklin Sheehy as told to Bill Snyder

Every year at the National Service-Learning Conference, the Gathering of Elders provides a venue where elders from different cultures can share their wisdom with conference attendees, particularly youths. Louise Franklin Sheehy, a participant in the 2004 gathering, has more than of 25-years experience designing and developing new projects and programs for nonprofit organizations, corporations, and faith communities. Her focus is on community building among diverse populations, and personal growth and leadership skills for women and elders. She is the author of "I Haven't Talked About This Before," a personal memoir published in 2000, and numerous editorials and essays.

When fishermen catch crabs, they put the crabs in a big wicker basket and bring them to market. The crabs claw around trying to get out, but mostly they claw each other. Every now and then, one of the crabs breaks loose from the pack and claws its way up the side of the basket. Ideally, that crab would reach back, grab the crabs that are in the basket, and bring them up and out. As human beings, we can be a lot more intentional about that process. If we are, in fact, in this wicker basket together, the only way we are going to get out of it is together.

Many young people are groping, grasping, and in some cases, clawing in their own baskets as they look for ways to direct themselves up and out, live meaningful lives, and learn what they have to contribute. What helps get these young people on track are good shepherds, elders who have the time, energy, and expertise to help them find their way and ultimately grow into contributors themselves.

That means reaching back from the top of the basket to offer young kids a hand as they begin their journey, not to prevent them from making mistakes but to offer them guidance and direction. They need the expertise and loving attention of elders who really care about them. When that is present, we will see a different community of young people claiming healthy lives and moving into leadership roles.

I like to think of myself as one of those “crabs” who has figured out how to get out of the basket. I'm 65 now, and I have a very strong bias about the role of elders in our culture. That comes from a long history of working with The Spiritual Eldering Institute™ in Boulder, Colorado. The Institute’s primary goal is to shift the paradigm on aging in America away from the image of decay and decrepitude, and to encourage elders to keep on participating, contributing, and harvesting their learning to give back to society.

We all know people in their 80s and even their 90s who are still committed to community service, who are still giving and doing and teaching whatever they know how to do best. These elders are role models who can inspire and guide kids even more than the rock stars and top athletes they look up to.

An elder whose life has had a large component of service is different from one who has never been involved. We think differently about what community means. Service, especially in the elder years, becomes even more important, because there's more time and more expertise to share.

Elders can speak to young people about what it means to give and receive. There's a wonderful quote that I love: "Giving is the way God's song is sung. Receiving is the way that the song is heard." In giving, you are receiving, and in receiving, you are giving. I think many kids don't understand that concept, but elders can teach them what it means.

When I speak to kids about my life’s journey and the things that I've done, I'm really proud of that record. I convey that to them and they get it. They see something they want to emulate. So, I think the more healthy role models we can put in front of our young people today, the better we make the future for them and for our world.